apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

Happy Birthday Maxwell ! (fellow aries, it's my turn in three days ;)

Surprised to see my bathroom featured, but happy to have finished this mini-fresh-up. It really does make a huge difference to this tiny space.
Happy Easter!

The office is ending up being the bear I imagined it would be. It seems so much harder to set aside some of my electronic gadgetry or art/craft supplies than it has been for clothes or even books. Somehow it feels more wasteful?

I suspect I'm going to end up with office related tasks leaking over into the next two weeks as well. While it still feels like I have a long way to go in the next three weeks, in positive progress though I've emptied my outbox a second time!

Happy Birthday M, from yet another Aries (a couple of weeks ago for me)! Interesting that Sea feels this way; I can somewhat relate. I hope she is soon able to enjoy her hard work and the changes she's made.

I did kind of a mini-cure on my place back in February/March, and by the time it was largely completed I was more exhausted and fed up than anything else. No clutter to contend with (I despise clutter), but doing things like shopping (which I hate) and schlepping home new items really wore me out, much more mentally than physically. While I love all of the changes, I was really sick of the whole process and just wanted to get back to normal life as quickly as possible.

Happy Easter all!

I thought I was totally alone in getting a little depressed from cleaning after I come down from the hyperactive high that usually makes me want to tackle clutter in the first place.

Finding old photos is one thing. What makes me really feel awful is just thinking about the waste I've produced that necessitates the cleaning. It's more than a little embarassing to think about the money I spent on articles that are going to go straight into a landfill.

Wow, that makes four (great, funny, creative, crazy-in-a-good-way) people I know born this week!
Happy birthday, Maxwell! MANY happy returns!

I can totally relate to the "declutter hangover" that sea and Maxwell describe. It IS temporary, and has a lot to do (for me) with just the overwhelming realization of how much STUFF my life has generated. IT DOES GET BETTER.The energy and the lightened feeling DOES come.

The only other advice I can offer is this: It will get WORSE before it gets BETTER. Disruption ain't pretty, ESPECIALLY in a small space. But plug away! There are floors under there somewhere!!! ;)

Happy birthday, Maxwell!
I have not been focusing on the Cure very much this round, because of other things going on (nothing spectacular, just other pressing projects and ambitions.) But, I am still going to crank something out and am inspired every time a new Cure post goes up. My place certainly needs some freshening up.

Here's something for those in the NYC area...

Manhattan Electronics Recycling &
Clothing Donation Event

Unwanted and broken electronics for recycling (only the following will be accepted):
Computers & laptops (take proper measure to remove secure info)
Monitors
Cell phones
TVs
Keyboards & mice
Scanners
Printers

Limit five pieces per person; No businesses.

AND

Gently used clothing and linens for donation:
Clothing
Pants, dresses, shirts, sweaters, shoes, handbags and belts
Linens
Blankets, towels, sheets, curtains, tablecloths

Sunday, April 22nd, 2007
8am - 2pm (rain or shine)
Union Square North Plaza
(southeast corner of 17th Street and Broadway

No tax deduction slips for electronics. Tax deduction slips issued for clothing from Goodwill upon request.

Whoa! Glad I checked in this afternoon. Maxwell, Happy Birthday!

I've been trying to work around the edges here on a "mini-cure" if it even deserves the name. Been spending the afternoon shredding old paperwork (4 bags full so far) with no end in sight. Also using the 3 day weekend to update software on my computer which with a dial-up connection is taking a lot longer than I had hoped.

With Maxwell's permission I am posting this on Apartment Therapy because I would like your help. Will you please sponsor me for the AIDS Walk?

Follow This Link http://aidswalknewyork2007.kintera.org/jimking2007 to visit my personal AIDS Walk NY web page and help me in my efforts to support AIDS Walk New York

******************************************************************************
Some systems do not support the use of links and therefore this link may not appear to work. If so, copy and paste the following into your browser:
http://aidswalknewyork2007.kintera.org/jimking2007
******************************************************************************

Thanks, Maxwell, this is helpful.

It's funny that the stagnant energy hides in the most unlikely places for me - not in anything of much significance like photos or books or old furniture - but rather in a couple not-great unworn coats, plastic cleaner/strainer for veggies, and ratty teaspoons. The sort of stuff I've never really paid much attention to. Maybe that's the message? Somehow stirring up that irrelevant stuff makes me aware of how it has been getting stuck and dragging me down? Well, whatever it is, my anti-clutter clearing instinct is unabated, so I am continuing on full steam ahead! Thanks to everyone for all the encouragement.

My place is actually feeling better and better by the day - and it's amazing that working on the hidden-in-the-closet type stuff seems to register as an improvement in the open spaces, too. Now if I could only write the stuff I need to write so that I can finally throw out all the tremendously tall stacks of notes, papers, files, articles and more notes I've collected in large unwieldy piles.

And.... Happy Birthday, Maxwell! It's a great day out there; enjoy yourself.

Happy birthday Maxwell!

I can relate very well to Sea's comment. A lot of my clutter comes from episodes of depression. I either don't have the energy to clean and/or care about my environment, so the mess and my mood feed off each other; or I engage in some retail "therapy" to try to lift my spirits. For me, then, much of the discomfort is based in shame that I wasted a lot of money, that I'm dealing with the visible effects that my surroundings and my soul sank so deeply, and that some things are just plain painful to deal with--like old journals and diaries. I am not sure what to do with some of them that are from a past person I no longer want to be, but I know they're not healthy for me to keep around. I also don't want to throw "myself" away, either. Maybe this will be a long term project of editing them to keep what I want out of them and making a ceremonial bonfire of the rest (being sure to remember the hotdogs and marshmallows!).

On a more positive note, cleaning up piles of newspapers has yielded me a ton of crossword puzzles!

Well, I finished my office yesterday, I was a bit blindsided by what I found there-especially the old photo's and cards. But it's a small space, and I need the room for my art, so it was easier to throw a bunch of stuff away than try to find a new home for it. Today I moved on to my bedroom, and got that finished. Photos are now posted. My husband wasn't involved in the design process and he likes it. Yea!

Mlle Kate - I don't know what to do with old journal either, so I just keep them and haul them around from place to place. I don't feel right getting rid of them, because they were an important part of my life, but I certainly don't feel like reading them and I don't want anyone else to read them either. So, I'll keep them for now. I'm ok with that.

Sad to say the reason we feel bad when we discard possessions our mind tells us we are discarding our 'self'. The mind equates being with stuff. And the mind does not want you to get rid of being - or even to recognize that attachments actually hinder our journey to happiness. According to Buddhism ( and this is my version of a Buddhist view) there is only interdependence - no separate self at all. Ironically if we can let go of that attachment we can enjoy our possessions so much more!

Pixie--I know what you mean, but a lot of them feel like mental "gunk" to me. I wish I could either let them be or let them go.

I have the same problem with old journals, but I cheat and keep them in a closet in my old room at my parents house. Every time I go home I make a half hearted attempt to go through them, but I find them so painfully embarassing that this never really works, so they just stay there. Oh well, atleast they're not hanging around my apartment...

Hey! Happy B'Day, Maxwell!! Mine is on the 28th (so I missed Ares and was born into Taurus..which is pretty accurate!)

Anyone on here from the Boise Idaho area? We are thinking of moving there....so if we are going to sell our home there is added incentive to Cure!!

A very Happy Birthday Maxwell! Lots of Spring babies it seems..... many friends are having birthdays these last couple weeks (me too).
And Happy Easter to those who celebrate too.

I'm doing a "stealth cure", if you will. Gaping holes in my walls and ceiling (gas pipe being rerouted) prevent me from doing a proper Cure, or entering Smallest Coolest this year. But I'm purging quite a lot of books and assorted debris. It does stir up a bit of emotion... mostly just wonderment "Why did I cling to this for so long?"

Recently I cat-sat for a friend at his new blissfully empty condo. With just two days in such a spare space I could feel a sense of calm wash over me. That's a feeling I want in my own space. Sans cat hair.

Mlle Kate- You talked about feeling bad about using 'retail therapy' to cure your bad mood. I also fall into this catagory. Recently I put aside all the things that no longer fit my style (or body haha) but didn't want to donate. My friends came over and brought amazing food and laughter with them and in exchange for a guilty feeling I was filled with happiness and compliments about my style.

This doesn't just have to be clothes, I am preparing for a move and sold pretty much my entire living room on craigslist and was rewarded with a decluttered room and money in my pocket for the move! you can turn things that you've bought into cash again more quickly and easily with the internet. All you have to do is take a pic and wait for the flood of replies for you items!

eryn--

"Wait for the flood of replies?" Are you kidding me?

Craigslist and eBay are NOT automatic, or easy. Unless, of course, you literally want to give stuff away for free. THEN the floodgates open.

Craiglisters ask a battery of questions, ask for fractions of pennies on the dollar, then never commit, or worse yet, commit, string you along, then cancel the sale after weeks of emails.

And eBay is not the quick fix it seems to be... not to mention the fees that have a serious way of adding up, 35 cents at a time...

Don't get me wrong, this is indeed how I am still purging the remains of my old office... but don't oversell how "easy" it is. It is practically a full-time job...

What began as a plan to move the bookshelves across the room became a cleaning of the clothes closet. Since I was in there, it seemed ideal to take photos of the dresser that needs to be sold off in order to bring in the new shelving. I realized there are two rods that interfere with the new shelving. The screws are fused on with paint. How do I unfuse so they can be take out? (Photo to come.)

Meantime, there's a box of books in the lobby plus all the old hangers.

And so it goes...

I don't know, Patrick (the other one), I was able to sell a huge wall unit I hated to a couple in New Jersey within three days of posting it on EBay and sold an old file cabinet in a week as well. I think there will always be difficult people who don't come through when they say they'll be by and idiots who call in the middle of the night, but for every one of those people there is that great couple who was looking for that very wall unit you've grown tired of or hate, or the wife whose husband is starting a business and needed a file cabinet for no more than 20 bucks.

Eryn, go for it. I'm on board to do whatever it takes to clear my space and invite more creative openness and happiness in life.

Happy belated birthday, Maxwell! We seem to have a plethora of Aries around here!

No sign of the tile guy but I have been doing some minor Curing around the house (office and closet lately). I was thwarted in my closet shelving system plans by Target being closed today, I was definitely not expecting that! Another day though, and the rearranging of my office continues... I finally succumbed and let the mister hang a couple of instruments on my walls, they look really good next to my new bookcase but now I am wondering about my tippy little bookcase that I made, I love it because I made it but right now it just makes everything look crowded. Rearranging may ensue...

while i was sorting through papers, a pic of my ex fiance (still very missed) fell out of a folder. i guess i had stashed it away in some quick moment. i didn't cry as i normally would. i put it aside with several other old photos into a photo album. so, i can totally see how it can upset people. at the end of the night i felt more no sadness at all. i was in fact, very peaceful & happy with what my home was becoming.

afterall, my home is for me not sorted, painful memories.

** i finished my office today! all i have left is making the wires look nice, but i have to wait until a certain outlet is installed.

Thanks to everyone who left comments on my finished bedroom pics, and I tried to answer all the questions posed to me in those comments.

I am working on my half bath and my sons room this week. Both in need of both cleaning AND organization. My son is starting to want to dress himself (kind of) and so I have to re work his closet and drawers to help him be able to do that. Also, his room is changing from nursery to "big boy" room this month and I can get most of that done this week if I work at it .
My bathroom is another story. Today after dinner with my Mother in law I cleaned out my old make up and product. I threw away 2 bankers boxes of old products. Thinking about how much I paid for that stuff just about killed me, but my life is different now and I have no use for 90% of that stuff(Especially the 10 different red lipsticks I haven't worn in a year or two). Storage isn't in issue for me in there anymore (I installed shelves with baskets) but it's UGLY. I have to do something-soon.
I hope everyone had a good Easter. Happy belated birthday Maxwell!

Mariegael wrote: "afterall, my home is for me not sorted, painful memories."

This is an excellent way of thinking of the process while I clean. I've always thought of my apartment as extraneous (sp?) to me, not an integral part of my life. Weird, huh? Something to think about.

Really Mlle Kate? I think I have the reverse issue, I feel like my home is a direct extension of myself, I guess I really bought in to the concept of Nesting. When I moved in this was my husband's home and ever since I moved in I have been doing my darndest to make it ours. There was a ton of stuff here from the prior owner (who was apparently a very interesting guy). I have always really tried to keep a healthy home wherever I have lived and have done weird stuff like painting the bathroom in a falling-apart rental with such bad heating there were days we could see our breath in the living room. But it made me feel like I had some control over my surroundings, I guess.

Closet completed and laundry put away. (I've never been huge on putting the laundry away. Scandalized some unsuspecting males in college who came over to talk "business" and found towel racks covered in bras.) The final product looks so much lighter than before. It's an unexpected load off. A ridiculous number of socks got tossed out.

Will try to get bathroom pics up this week.

Anne, that's my point--it never has been a part of me, thus it has been an issue. I've been trying to control too many other things in my life that anything I've done to my home has felt sort of...unsettled, I guess, like a patchwork solution. However, since Mariegael's comment made me go "Well, DUH!" in a why-didn't-I-think-of-that-before manner, I feel happy to be moving forward to make my home more reflective of me and who I want to be. This whole exercise is a beginning lesson in "What, exactly, DO I want?" that will apply to a whole lot of areas. What a feeling of relief! :)

Happy Birthday Maxwell! I hope you did something fun and exciting on your birthday.

Tony G.

Lady J - for the paint-fused screws, you could get a tin of paint and varnish stripper and dab a blob onto each screw head. Wait 10 or 20 minutes and the paint will have softened and bubbled up, and you'll be able to scrape / wipe it off, and then get your screwdriver in. Remember to wear gloves, though - that stuff is vicious.

Example of a paint stripper available in the US below:

http://www.amazon.com/Sunnyside-Corp-Noble-Finish-Stripper/dp/B000DZGIDK/ref=sr_1_43/102-3348744-5810546?ie=UTF8&s=hi&qid=1176105074&sr=1-43

Lady J - not sure what you mean by "fused" but if you mean that the screws have simply been painted over, I found that using a drill with a screwdriver head worked great. In my new apartment, the old tenant had painted over ALL the hardware (what was he thinking?!), but the power-screwdriver was strong enough to go right through the paint layer and catch the screw heads to get them out.

Mlle Kate and Anne (in Reno), I've been very much like BOTH of you.

On the one hand, like Anne, I have an intense and furious nesting instinct, and my home is very important to my state of mind. But, maybe like Mlle Kate, I've also felt (without knowing it!) that the particular home I'm in now is temporary, and thus it's not been important to invest much time or energy in it. Hasn't even been an issue.... I just moved my things in from my charming last apartment, and expected that to work here without too many questions or thoughts.

Then in the beginning of this Cure, I did as Maxwell suggested - 'asked' my apartment what it wanted to say to me. The answer surprised me a lot: "You treat me like a transient... you're not committed to me, I'm not committed to you. You're only temporary; you act as if you're about to leave me. Why don't you finally settle in? It's been years and we may have more than a few years - or even very many - years to go together. I look attractive enough, but it's all so superficial, temporary." And then, the big insight that has made a big difference already: "Could we be fully committed for now, and let the future change as it will?"

I think my reason for getting into all of this was because of some serious health scares my family has had in the past few years. I am a cancer survivor (3yrs now) and so that has sort of been over my head, but this past year my father in law died, and my father was diagnosed with colon cancer (he's doing fine now). My mother in law has spent a year ( and a fortune) fixing up her neglected house, my mother has spent the year trying to go through years of accumulated stuff to streamline their life,and take care of my dad. I don't want to put anyone through that- I needed to get my own house and life in order. I feel not only have I done that, but made a better home for my family too...

Sea, my apartment said it needed to breathe because it has been suffocating for many years. :( I have often referred to the place as "it", as in "I should really clean up my apartment and be nicer to it. It deserves better." It has never been an issue of "I deserve better" until now, which, funnily enough, makes ME breathe easier.

Lorijo,
I hear you on the good health-home front. I took care of my grandmother last year, she wanted to stay home after having cancer spread. She went quickly, which was a blessing, but I stayed to clean out her apartment (and she was neat freak) and it took me weeks. I have been trying to get my own house in order since then. It is slow going, but the cure has helped a lot.

Random question, can anyone recommend where to look for sturdy writing desks at reasonable prices? Ikea just looks too flimsy. I need lots of drawers and no stupid keyboard tray and it's not easy!

Mlle Kate, hmmm... your post made me think of how I kind of feel like my apartment feels -- only the way my apartment 'says' it feels with me is the way I say I feel with my boyfriend. Yes, 10 years of an intense monogamous relationship, which is likely to go on until death do us part, and I still feel like we're not really committed.

And to top it all off, I've been treating my apartment like it's temporary because I've been ambivalent about my job. A job which, in all truthfulness, I will probably never willingly leave, am terrified I won't be able to keep, and yet I am *still* having trouble committing myself to it. Ah, the 'holding back' complaint of my apartment turns out to be the linchpin to both my work and love life. I won't commit to work and home, my boyfriend won't commit to me.

Sea- I lived for years not being able to commit- to my live in boyfriend, to the Mcmansion we built, even to the job I had. I got tired and took a long vacation back to my hometown (2 months long) to get my head back in the game. I did and I packed up, sold off, and moved across the country-alone . 4 years later, I am married tp a great man, with a 3 yr old, a cancer diangosis and other family members in crisis. Things change everyday. I have learned that everything-and everyone- is "temporary" in it's own way. You have to make the best of what you have today and surround yourself with things and people that you love TODAY.

What I really like about the Cure is that it reveals Apartment Therapy (the Book and the blog) are not just about decorating and what marvelous new color you might paint your bathroom. I had my own suprises during my first cure last fall. Between cures I was able to confront the issue of "temporary or not," and this Cure is less traumatic.

Sea (and others) I would love to recommend a book that I have been using along with the home cure which my physician suggested. It's called Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck.
http://www.amazon.com/Finding-Your-Own-North-Star/dp/0812932188
It has helped me a LOT! Highly recommended!!

Martha Beck writes for O. Some of her articles are really interesting. She did one about how as an Art TA she could tell so much about students by their portraits of their dorm rooms, like who was a fledling alcoholic. Her approach is so different from most magazine writers.

lorijo,

Thank you for reminding me about what's important. Also, your comment about making it easier for others to deal with one's lifetime of accumulated stuff really hit home. I think about that all the time, and have arranged quite a few things so that they will be really easy for others to understand and know what to do with once I'm gone. At the same time, I've freaked out at how unwilling my mother is to deal with any of the awesome clutter filling up her HUGE house - she won't let anything go, and even though she can't afford to keep living all by herself in this huge isolated house, she won't even contemplate other options (moving to the city I'm in, or to a smaller more communal place) simply because they would require her to give up some of her old (Eames, falling apart) furniture, or enormous rugs, or just tons and tons of stuff. Until your comment above, I didn't realize that my concern for her was not entirely about her, but also a desperate attempt to make things easier for me in case I ever have to go through all that stuff of hers.

On commitment:
I've somehow wanted to avoid being 'materialistic' by not investing in my physical surrounding financially - though I always cared intensely about my space and cleaned and arranged and re-arranged and fixed things all the time. Now that I'm "editing" my things (aka throwing out a lot of stuff), I can focus on a few more beautiful/functional items. Investing in them is still scary, because of the thought that I'm trying to hold on and make them permanent, and I don't want to do that. Anyway, it's a paradox, but somehow I'm getting that I can fully enjoy them, feel fully attached, while letting them be fully temporary at the same time. As you say, everything is changing all the time - at that means me, too... so I can love and enjoy something and still let it go in the next moment.

elevenhounds, thanks for the book - I'll check it out.

oh, and, Wende -
How is the project room coming?

Oy. So bookmarking this thread.

I have the Martha Beck book. I started reading it about three or four years ago in an act of desperation as I tried to figure out somewhere to go from a job under an inflexible, information-hoarding supervisor who didn't like to take my word on anything*. I might read it again, now that I've quit.


*Small example:

Him: "Are you sure that's how it's pronounced?"

Me: "Yes, it's here in the dictionary."

Him: "Is that a British or an American dictionary?"

Me: "[Place name] is pronounced [place name] whether you're in England or America."

I had to point out that Philadelphia was Philadelphia no matter where you were from; the pronunciation didn't suddenly change to PhYladephia.

I once had a very wise lady tell me that your journals are your most sacred possessions because they are the map of who you are and who you will become. Most of mine are filled with gloom (I need to learn to use them as a booster not just a release), but I'd never let them go.

I don't look at them, but I do keep them tucked away, just in case.

I too am feeling the weight of the Cure--even though I haven't stayed entirely on track. I have lived in two great apartments since graduating college and have never truly moved in to either of them. I'm an official part of the transient club. I also seem to have a problem staying happy with a job for more than 6 months...Not the best way to start a career.

Throwing out junk makes me want to throw out my job, my boyfriend, my state of mind and this entire town. My apartment told me, "you make me feel small and insignificant and empty and suffocated all at once. And you are the only one who can help me. You know this, so why won't you do anything?"

Me: "Well, I um, er..I'm sorry?"

I dream of a home with a big front porch filled with lots of friends, lamplight, dinners and laughs. What I create is lifeless box that is stagnant and dusty. A place that saps my energy instead of bolstering me against the world.

Good grief, how did I ever become the type of person I never thought I was...

Sea, maybe we are the same sign or something because you sound just like me. Maybe we both just need a good kick in the pants.

Or a really great story like lorijo's--take a leap and see what happens...

Personally I have been enjoying the boards (here and at Flickr) so much that I don't want the Cure to end. I'd rather have all you guys come over for my "party" than my friends and family. :)

I've thought of inviting all the NYCers to mine!

Talk me off the ledge, folks! World Market just added a bunch to their summer line. And I'm ready to buy. Haven't even gotten my latest Target purchase yet, and I'm all about more. Hell, I haven't even returned the last World Market curtains that didn't work.

LadyJ, of the gorgeous global home, get away from that ledge and head on over to Ten Thousand Villages:
http://www.tenthousandvillages.com/home.php

You will find the most gorgeous items for much less than regular retail...all FAIR TRADE!! I am in the process of blogging them.
http://designanxiety.blogspot.com/

Lorijo: beautiful and true to life words. Sometimes life is such a struggle that any little thing is able to bring comfort. Working toward a peaceful and serene home seems to be one of those goals that bring comfort in the doing and in the achieving.

I agree with Nicole R about the journals. The only things I've never ever considered getting rid of (and I've gotten rid of four entire households of belongings over the years) have been my journals. I don't read them, but it seems to enrich my sense of self and place that I still have them. Sometimes it's sad or embarrassing to be reminded, but it seems to me a good thing to keep in mind (just a tiny bit) who one used to be - while keeping in mind that one shouldn't get stuck there!

Those of you way up top of the thread who were dealing with old journals -- Pixie, Mlle Kate, and Rosie -- maybe you could spend an afternoon condensing them, or choosing a representative sample or portions of journals - so that it doesn't take up much room, and so that it's not so boring or embarrassing to go back to. I'm thinking someday I might scan the few parts I want to remind me of stuff, and throw out the actual journals.... Actually, I find the letters I used to write to friends are far more revealing and a better barometer of what I was like. So I'll keep what little I have of those. (Whatever happened to letter-writing? no one sits as long to compose an email, so it's not the same, and friends are too busy to read them, anyway.)

NicoleR -
"Throwing out junk makes me want to throw out my job, my boyfriend, my state of mind and this entire town."
-- Me too! Me too! I want to chuck it all. But I've have that feeling often throughout the years (not that many would tell, these days - I've been in my job a very long time, and people think of me as one of the most reliable and steadfast types around.... go figure). You definitely need to get your home to sustain and nurture you, give you space to grow and have friends over. And you might need to change everything to get that - it's such a tempting thought for me, too! (And by the way, I think the key is in our rising signs, and whether they're in sync with our sun.) For my part, I definitely need a kick in the pants. It's funny, so many people have been telling me that I do this week, too!

But I also suspect maybe the kick in the pants we need is not to get us to go anywhere or do anything, but to be right where we are, fully embracing our current life. Are you sure you aren't mistaking your under-challenged adventurous, courageous spirit with being uncommitted? What do you think? Am I scared of a big leap, or am I refusing to see that I'm already where I should be all along?

(hehe, I'm going to let my apartment tell me - see what she says at the end of the Cure. Will she feel we're committed and want to settle in with me, or will she want to part ways?)

well, no more therapy from me tonight. I painted my 2nd half bathroom tonight and I am not very pleased. It seems too aqua to me- very bright. VERY bright. I picked out some rather bright and fun fabric for the curtains, and it just may be to much together. I hung the fabric and will take a look with fresh eyes tomorrow. Maybe it will better in the morning. Maybe I will need to go back and pick out another color-who knows?
I am almost finished with my sons room too... but I need to re paint a chair and it's going to SNOW tomorrow-really- another 3-6 inches here- and I need to use oil paint so that is out of the question until it gets warmer. My son is 3 and he walked in today and said "I love it" well, really he said "I wuv it" but it made me so happy I almost cried. Then he grabbed the cats tail and that moment was gone.......

Hey, Sea, thanks for asking. We were away for the weekend, so before we got on the plane on Friday, I hastily shoved things places again, restoring superficial order at the cost of deep chaos. But it feels better to come home to superficial order than to superficial chaos, so waddya do?

Actually, it was really weird coming home after a weekend amidst husband's family, who live contentedly in a world that the AT vibe does not enter. Western NY generally is not the land of sleek minimalism so much as tradition, family, and accretion because people live in the same spot for 30 years. So my first impression of our own home -- breathing room, clear counters, minimal pattern -- was, "My, we're not very homey."

Grains of truth: time to get flowers, really need to find a mirror for the one living room wall, need to assemble dining table, looking forward to impact of exciting new pillows. Also need to dust again.

I don't want to commit too much to this rental... in the last one, we were so embedded that it felt like we owned it, and it was tough to pry ourselves loose.

Sea,

I also have that "chuck it" feeling all the time. Like, I'm planning a trip to Europe as sort of an escape from myself and my boredom here, but when I really think about it, I wonder if I'll get there and still be bored.

I'm reading this really lovely book called The Art of Travel and it describes how Flaubert hated France and wanted to go to Egypt and then got there and was still bored. But it was still a good journey and all. Eh...

And yes, I do think my issue is being uncommitted. I was sitting on my couch last night looking at the blank window (outside of which is my favorite tree) and the apartment said, "put some curtains or something on me. it'll be nice.Or maybe just hang your damned artwork." To which I said, "well, if I do that I'm signaling that I'm staying, and what if I don't want to?"

Right. Time to make up my mind. I think they call that growing up...

I do feel like I'm gearing up for a leap. I've actually taken many in my life. I've just never put my feet down when I land.

On a sunny note, I did have friends in over the weekend, and my house still feels all cozy from having them there. And I have a new respect for carnations. I've got them in little vases in every room. My favorite is the julep cup on my desk that is just stuffed full of them. And the ones with pink edges are getting even prettier as they bloom out.

Well, happy Wednesday to all. It's a broody, misty day here, so being all wrapped up in my office at work doesn't seem so bad.

I have finishd my sons room- well as much as I can right now. The chair will just have to wait for the weather to cooperate. And we'll see how the wall of stuff works out. That may need pairing down at a later date. But, I am ready now for his new bed to come into the space, and I have all of his new bedding (from Thomas o'brien- I don't want to buy cheap kids sheets) so I'm posting the new and improved pictures.

I still don't know about my bathroom. It's rather dark and dreary today so no decisions on the color. I am putting everything back into the space and living with it for a week and then if I still hate it- I have decided to paint it lilac.

Just my 2 cents- I always made sure to hang my artwork and curtains in every space I've lived in within the first 2 days. I have found that is seems more like a home to have those items up and less like a hotel room.

It's really so inspiring to have this site to come to, not only for design ideas, but ideas about life in general - which I know everyone is really singing the same tune. But reading all these postings, I'm really close to tears at my desk.

I'm sad and embarassed that I slowed my cure - not stopped - because life just got to be too much and I'm trying to do what little I can and have the energy for.

There are a lot of deaths in my family, some that happened 5 or 6 years ago, that I am suddenly having to deal with because my body and soul will just not let me leave things bottled up in there anymore.

And adjusting to life living with the person I love is much more challenging than I would have ever imagined and, not that he wants me to change, but by watching a functional family (not that they don't have their problems but most everyone in my family haven't spoken to eachother in what is sometimes years) I'm realizing that a lot of the lessons I learned as a child, were not at all healthy ones, nor what I want to be in life. I dropped out of college (money was partially the issue), quit my job, and moved back home with my mother in a week and had finally, after close to a year, gotten back on my own two feet - and then my mother had a stroke. Which made us all realize that we need to get our priorities in order and take control of what we can, and let what we can't, take it's course.

So, trying to deal with everything, and going through clothes, papers, letters, pictures - everything I can possibly go through - and getting rid of all the crap in my life, is the only thing I can do to get my head above water. I've been cleaning each room a little everyday - just enough for me to be proud of it - and have also been getting rid of something every day. I'm kind of all of a sudden having to do an entire overhaul in my life but finding it incredibly hard when you have no direction, nor a clue as to where to find such direction. The not sleeping, and over sleeping is my first problem I'm dealing with and I think (and hope this is it) that the clutter and not-so-fond memories are weighing me down so I've decided to start with my bedroom - since I have already gotten rid of more than half of my wardrobe - I have saved enough money to paint the walls and buy some curtains and it will be my hideaway when the world gets to be too much. I think the bedroom is a good place, even if it is just one room, to have to go to while working on the rest of the house, and the rest of my life.

Didn't meant to put a sob story up there, but I just wanted to let everyone know how much, even if it's not directly for me, what you are all saying and doing in your lives is a shining ray of hope that IT WILL ALL GET BETTER.

And by the way Nicole, I did get a way from it and moved to France for a year, and it helped me a lot. But coming back was what undid it.

Thanks a lot for sharing that, Elizabeth. What you're doing is inspiring.

And NicoleR, yes! Hang up your artwork!
It doesn't mean you're staying at all; just that you're here for now.

Elizabeth- It takes everyone a different amount of time and energy to get through and over loss of any kind. You shouldn't appologize or feel bad about how long it is taking you. My Grandparents died 14 years ago, my mother and Aunt have never fully gotten over it. My Aunt needed professional help and medication to get through it. My mother still refers to the dining room set she inherited as "Mothers dining room", and when she gave me my Grandpas old bed for my son-and I said I was going to paint it- she turned white as a sheet. We finally had a talk about the memories and attachments with the furniture and items she got from her parents estate.

I say if you want to keep items-go for it- but make them your own. Don't live in a museaum of the past or a shrine to the departed. And for the stuff you don't love or want to keep-get rid of it-no one will judge you if you don't want to keep all 300 pictures of your family. Maybe 50 great ones are all you really need. Maybe 3. It's up to you. You don't have the be the keeper of your families stuff to keep the memories.

The thing I love most about it here, is everyone is so supportive. You are totally right, lorijo. When my grandfather died (he was more like my father for me) he had a heart attack, then a stroke, and I was the one who found him on our living room floor at 16. I still have the shirt the ambulance-people cut off of him and I wanted to make it into a pillow - as weird as it is - I just can't get rid of it. But, I did get rid of all the kitchsy cheesy stuff that I got from his apartment (like that talking fish, and little wooden ugly..things) that were really him, but not at all me, and I have so many other things that I like of his. My boyfriend thinks its weird that I hang on to that shirt, but after 5 years, it even still smells like that old grandpa cologne. I have made some of his old almost threadbare button up striped dress shirts into pillows, and use them as sleep shirts. Those are things I will never get rid of. But, my hardest thing, is pictures. I don't have near enough room to store them, but I just can't throw them away. Well, I'll just be taking it a little at a time. Thanks for everything guys.

I really don't think that's to wierd, Elizabeth. The only think I wanted of my Grandpa's was this frog he made when he was in 1st grade. It's a rock, painted to look like a frog, with leather feet. It's pretty big and I have carried this with me from house to house. I am the envy of all the grandkids-people talk about "the rock" . I would save the frog in a housefire. Every person has something that is precious to them-something no one else could totally understand.

Elizabeth,
have you considered taking the pictures to a company that will put them on a cd or dvd? That way you can see the pictures, and you don't have to worry about them. Old pictures are rather fragile.

that is a good idea, i have a scanner, but have no idea how to put pictures on a cd. that is a VERY good idea, i can't believe i didn't think of it before. i'll have to get my mother (yes my mother knows more about computer stuff than I do!) to show me how to do everything.

furthermore - i finally found the cord to my camera so i can put the pictures of my apartment on flickr. so i can get some REAL design advice!

lorijo you are awesome :-) big hugs to everyone

Synchronicitously*, the SF Chronicle ran an article today about things one keeps for the memories and how awkward it is to find space for them.

*I made that word up.

Elizabeth, there is no need to feel embarrassed. You're doing what you need/have energy to do and if it works for you, it's perfect.

when was your birthday maxwell?
my birthday was april 6th.
happy belated birthday!

I understand completely the idea of purging old papers, cards etc. But I'm not sure I understand the idea of throwing out photos. Forgive me if I'm missing something and I don't mean to sound critical, but why would you want to throw out your history? I understand maybe wanting to get rid of pictures of old boyfriends/girlfriends especially if it ended badly. I just visited Ellis Island and it was filled with beautiful, poignant photos of families. If someone hadn't saved those photos they wouldn't be hanging in a museum as a testament to history. Of course, not everyone's family pictures will end up in a museum (thank goodness). The point is your photos are part of who you are and your children and grandchildren will certainly appreciate them. I love to look at my old photos which I'm embarrassed to say are not in any order, they are in a box. They should be organized a little better and they will be when I have the time. But my husband and I both agree that it is so much fun to dig around in the box and see what we come up with. In any case, if you don't have room, scan, but do not get rid of your photos.