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Can we have an AT forum about the neurotic hosting?

I'm having a holiday party and I really don't want people to drink red wine while sitting on my new sofa. I don't even drink red wine on it myself. Does that put me in the neurotic category?

To all of those neurotic folks out there, I say get over it.

Really people, a home is built to be lived in and enjoyed. If a small scuff on your hardwood floor is more important to you than your friends enjoying themselves and having a good time, your priorities are out of line. Your home is going to experience normal wear and tear over the years and there is nothing wrong with that.

Everyone is invited to my place for a party this year... Wear your heels on my 130 year old hard wood floors, the floors will be just fine. Spill some red wine on my Mitchell Gold sofa, I have already done so myself. And please make sure to bring lots of brown and red food!!!

I have a pair of light cream boucle chairs that I used to be so scared about - when I first got them I thought I would impose a no-red-wine rule, at least in the room they were in.

Then gradually I chilled out and decided that if anything did happen to them, I'd just get them reupholstered in a less-delicate fabric. Four years later, I've had party after party, bottle after bottle of red wine, with no mishaps. And no suspicious looks at my guests like they're about to ruin my oh-so-precious furniture.

We had a looong thread on here a while back about the shoes/no shoes thing. I stick to my guns on that one. It's rude and obnoxious to treat your guests like they're nuisances and a danger to your precious floors. If I'm such a risk to your floors or carpet, fine, enjoy your lovely floors all you want; I'll stay away and let you enjoy them without me. I wear high heels all the time and I don't need my pants or skirts dragging on your floors (like Mario Buatta said in the NYT article - are these people looking to have their floors swept?).

I entertain all the time and try to treat my guests as welcome friends, not as suspects.

And remember, people, it's a slippery slope: today, making people take off their shoes; tomorrow: covering your chintz sofas with plastic zippered covers and saving balls of string.

As a veteran party giver, I have always found that the more relaxed I am, the more relaxed my guests are. And this greatly reduces spillage.

How am I so relaxed? I have several drinks before my guests arrive. ;)

Ms. Breslow-Newhouse needs help. I think this article is creepy.

Opening up your home to friends and family is such a healthy, positive thing. She's really lost the plot. I found this story to be disturbing and depressing.

I might grudgingly go along with the "no shoes" rule -- Martha Stewart regularly talks about how to gracefull impose this rule. But she's talking about saving the "original floors." Weren't the original floors in Tribeca for factories and warehouses? Surely a Jimmy Choo won't do more damange than generations of work boots and sewing machines rolling across the floors.

I read the article and felt very strange. It is as if they had been watching me for the last two years, and even witnessed my first home warming party where the little girl, who had just played outside touching the iron gates, returned to the living room and attempted to wipe her soot covered hands on the side of my impossibly white couch. I think I actually did some sort of dive movement while I yelled ,"noooooooooo!". Everyone stopped. Uuggghhh.

This is so timely for me--I went to a friend's house for Thanksgiving, and when I sat down on the couch after dinner with my glass of wine, she asked me if I could please not drink red wine on the couch. She said it politely, but I still found it very startling and rude--all of a sudden I felt like a child who could not be trusted around breakables, or something. I think if people are going to make requests like that they should at the very least phrase it in a very self-depreciating way, like "I know I'm crazy, but I break out in a cold sweat when red wine gets near my couch!" Obviously, though, the better solution is to chill the **** out and treat your guests like guests.

I found two amazing white rugs at TJ Maxx. They were so amazing (and affordable) that I decided to buy two.

A few weeks later a close friend of mine spilled red wine all over the first rug, less than a month after I bought it. It was hard not to be mroe visably upset since I really did love the rug.

We tried to dab it up with papertowels, but I insisted it wasn't a big deal. After he left, I rolled the carpet up and put it in the garbage.

Carpets can be replaced, not friendships.


. . . the silliest part of the story is that the host didn't wear the same slippers she required all of her guests to wear.

I don't really understand why people furnish in fussy white things and then ever have any guests over. Or have kids. I don't get the white thing at all--it's so impractical. I especially dislike obsession with all white interiors. I usually don't care about things like this, but this irritates me. End of rant.

The whole "they do it in Japan" argument just doesn't wash. I mean, it's my understanding that you only take your shoes off when you enter homes that have tatami mats on the floor. Tatami mats are fragile. Shoes literally destroy them. It has nothing to do with cleanliness or OCD.

Anna, either get over it or don't serve red wine. If I went to a party, was served a glass of red wine, and was then told not to sit on the couch, I'd put down the glass and leave.

P.S. Folks worried about their white carpets and folks doing the Cure might find this food for thought:

http://www.humboldt1.com/~bri/diderot.htm

This is why I do not have pale colored things that can be stained easily.

I'd hate to have to worry so much about my guests. The only place I get at all weird about this stuff is either my dining table. It's nice wood, I don't want rings on it. So I make sure there are tons of placemats and coasters out on it should it not be covered in a tablecloth. Still, some people just seem to put their glasses down everywhere BUT covered surfaces! I gently remind them, or just move the glass.

The floors get walked on, the upholstery is either black leather (easy to wipe), leopard print (rrrarr!), or washable and a dark color.

And Oxyclean is your friend.

My hardwood floors are over a hundred years old (I live in a converted factory) and I request that guests take off their shoes for an entirely different reason: so as not to annoy my downstairs neighbors.

I love having beautiful things as much as anyone. And it is only right to respect other's belongings. But a person who puts things before people is not someone that I want as a friend.

I think I should make further explanation. Our sofa is not some designer white piece. But it's our very first grown-up sofa, which took us a long time to buy and we wouldn't be able to replace or recover. So I don't know if I could not be upset if it got red wine spilled all over it. And that would be worse than not letting people sit on it with red wine.

So my plan is to just not serve red wine. Lots of champagne and we'll all be happy.

My couch is relatively new and it isn't white but it's very, very pale. If people want to drink red wine on it so be it. It's just a couch.

I understand requesting that shoes be taken off - sometimes. If you came to my home right now, your shoes or boots would likely be covered in snow, mud, gravel, and road salt, and I probably wouldn't have to even ask for them to be removed. But aside from the problem of drippy wet, dirty shoes, I've never asked a guest to remove their shoes...being a good host is about ensuring your visitors' comfort. (Maybe I'm just a déclassé host, but most of my visitors automatically remove their shoes anyway.)

But banning red wine and brown food? I actually don't see what the difference is between those kind of paranoid "hosts," and my elderly great-aunt, who kept her sofas and lampshades covered in plastic. If you know you're going to have kids and/or host parties, why would you even invest such crazy amounts of money in totally impractical things? That's just plain stupid.

I keep in mind my lifestyle when I purchase furniture/objects for my home. I enjoy entertaining friends, and my house is decorated with durability in mind. For example, as much as I would like a nice shaggy cream rug in my living room, I opted to go with a water hyacinth rug (it's beautiful) from Crate and Barrel. Unlike other rugs made of natural fibers, you can simply wipe off dirt or stains with a moist towel.

Also, I opted to got with a glass coffee table - I like to put my feet up on the table, and I hate using coasters. I could care less if my guests put their feet up on the table or forget to use coasters.

I am having a new couch delivered in a few weeks. I plan on using two or three ikea sheepskins rugs to cover the seat area during my next cocktail party, which does include red wine, colorful martinis, and lots of chocolate.

Although I personally have an issue with shoes in the house, I don't enforce a no-shoes policy at my house. I've got hardwood floors everywhere, so dirt and grime is easy to mop up aftewards. I might have a different attitude if I had light-colored wall to wall carpeting.

I confess I nearly imposed a no-red-wine rule in my apartment after a co-op committee meeting in which I myself, when my cat jumped into my lap and bumped my elbow, splattered red wine (hey, offering wine makes the meetings go so much more congenially!) on my ivory denim sofa. I ripped off the slipcovers—as we continued the meeting—and soaked them in Oxy-Clean before running them down to the laundry room. And there were still small shadows where the spots had been. So I can sympathize with the red wine phobia, but refuse to give in to it.

As for the no-shoes rule, I've lived in Sweden, where it is considered very rude NOT to remove your shoes immediately on entering a house, and I also socialize with many yogis, who often observe the custom. Some Swedish friends who stayed with me recently were curious why Americans don't take off their shoes. They find it appalling, and it's not about preserving stuff, it's just custom and manners to them. It's not something I insist on in my place, but most of my entertaining is very casual, and when guests see the row of shoes by the door they get the hint. Given what's on the bottoms of our shoes after beating New York City streets all day, it's not a bad idea, and it is quieter for my downstairs neighbor.

My pet peeve as a hostess is the gene certain men seem to carry that compels them to rock back on the rear legs of a dining chair (and the more delicate the chair, the more attractive for rocking, it seems). It makes me nervous, and certainly not just for the chair! I don't know if there's any cure for this, other than giving up men. (Not!)

I, too, found the article on the neurotic side. I don't want anyone to spill red wine on my furniture or carpet but I keep lots of salt and carpet cleaner on hand just in case. If one is prone to home entertaining then they should be designing with that in mind. In other words, don't buy white/cream/pale colors without a backup of cleaners to compensate for the occasional mishap.

Chris, if you poured salt on the red wine spill it would have come up and you could have saved the rug.

(BTW, P2 doesn't spill anything and is a great party guest.)

When I read that article, I found myself feeling embarrassed for the subjects.

The article touched on it obliquely, but whatever happened to the definition of good manners being "make the people around you comfortable"?

Good grief! Neurotic Hostess needs to buy a nice little Bissel handheld electric scrubber cleaner ($35) and teach her maid to use it. Mine took ballpoint ink off a beige sofa and red wine out of a beige carpet.

The only time I steer guests away from furniture is that if you're likely to be a princess about cat hair on your dry-clean-only pants, you get put in the big leather chair. That's also the best chair in the house, so it's not like you're suffering.

Booties? No wine? Food colour rules? Jeez, wouldn't it be easier just not to host a party?

That said, the idea of guests wearing shoes inside someone's home seems peculiar to me. At every party I've ever been to or hosted here in western Canada--be it fancy or casual, with young people or "grown-ups"--guests have generally removed their shoes without being asked. And I think it has very little to do with protecting the hardwood/rugs. It just feels weird to wear shoes in the house! I grew up in Norway and shoe removal was the norm there too. Must be a northern thing. Perhaps it's because peak party season here is also peak snow season.

Actually, last year when I was house hunting, my realtor and I removed our shoes at the door in every house, even if it was vacant! In retrospect, that does seem odd! Habit, I guess.

Katti, I too am from Western Canada! And you've totally summed up what I was trying to say about the shoe removal being so automatic. I don't know anyone who even hesitates...if you enter a house or apartment, the shoes come off! It's just what we do here, I guess.

Yes, I know that the white couch is completely crazy idea, but a friend of mine who is an interior decorator told me that buying a white cotton couch was not an impractical idea simply because the white cotton couch covers(which can be removed) can recover from any stain better than say a grey or a medium brown(our other two choices). Her argument was that the grey if stained would show a darker grey circle of stain, and the same with the brown. The white on the other hand could be oxi cleaned, or bleached or dry cleaned. White, she argued could always be cleaned to perfection, like a chef's attire. Of course, I've covered the slip covers with a series of slip covers that look like the couch.

Perhaps the owners of such exquisite apartments should opt for an alternative solution: Host your party in a restaurant. No need to worry about your cloddish guests ruining your museum-quality renovation or decor. Be sure to bring along pictures of your place to let everyone know what they are missing. Just make sure to provide cloth gloves for handling the photos...

That's encouraging, Karen. I'd love white cotton slipcovers and your decorator friend makes good points.

I'd never want guests to feel as if they couldn't relax and enjoy themselves. Small children with chocolate would be steered into the kitchen for a hand wash and a face wipe, but I can trust adults with coffee and wine.

karen, thanks for pointing this out - never heard that before. This would of course entail slipcovers, which all white furniture aficionados don't have.

We bought a black with a silvery white retro print sofa and couldn't resist the getting the same print in the opposite colors (ie white chair, black design) on our chair. We just cover it with a blanket to protect it from our two dogs and take the blanket off when people visit. We trust them!

Hi
I find it really funny how people seem to be black-or-white about these issues.
I googled the name of Ms. Breslow-Newhouse because I wanted to share my story with her-- well, I'll share it here.
One year ago I hosted a group in my new place with newly finished floors and was just amazed at the end when I saw an incredible pattern of tiny punctures in the floor (clustering around the drinks and food stations). I realized that one of my guests had worn cheap stillettos that must have had a nail in the heel or something. I can tell you the place looks really weird and I don't have a particular rush of camaraderie in my heart when I see that insistant pattern everyday. I contacted my insurance company but they wouldn't take the claim unless I identified the person, which of course I wouldn't do. But when I hosted the group again this year I got my courage up and wrote in the invitation that I'm paranoid about my floors and that soft shoes are best. Obviously that worked.
As for brown and red food, that brings up another memory, of my daughter's 11th grade party-- which we innocently agreed she could hold in the empty apartment we had just left, before it was sold-- we thought ahead and put sheets down on the carpet. And her 11th-grade friends sat on the sheets, carefully folded into comfy seats, and strewed mini M&M's all over. I can tell you that even a battalion of well-meaning kids with a vacuum cleaner can never, never come to the end of an M&M attack. And the dye in that stuff never, never comes out of a light green rug. Frankly it seems appropriate to me to tell folks before a bring-yer-own party that certain substances may not fly.
One last word: pour salt on red wine ONLY on white fabric. If you use that on colored fabric you're apt to see its amazing oxydizing power in unwanted manner.
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