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Just keep the place clean enough that you wouldn't be embarrased to have people over. That should do the trick.

If your place is so unkempt that it verges on rudeness to let anyone step foot in it, then you should apologize.
In most other circumstances, "Come on in!" sounds about right to me. . .

I apoligize when I know they notice the mess.

It isn't that hard to keep a clean place. Just put the junk up for pete's sake.

True friends don't pass judgement and don't care. To not close friends, I claim the maid is off for the week.

I struggle with this issue not with mess, but with living in a pre-renovation space. We just moved in and have lots of plans for re-doing the kitchen, repainting, etc. but we haven't gotten there yet. When people come over to see the place, I often feel compelled to explain that we recognize that the kitchen isn't great and elaborate upon our plans to improve it.

I really worked hard to learn to accept personal compliments graciously, instead of rebuffing them ("You think I look nice? Oh, this sweater is fifteen years old.") Now I need to learn to take compliments graciously about our home, too, when a simple "thank you" will suffice.

As for the original question, I think it's okay to make a brief lighthearted comment — "Just hop over the mess and come on in!" — but to go on at length just makes people uncomfortable.

"I often feel compelled to explain that we recognize that the kitchen isn't great and elaborate upon our plans to improve it."

I've been explaining my inherited yellow kitchen for five years.

I tend to apologize because I have a 2 year old who's toys are always all over.

I am with mochi, so I never leave home without tidying up. It makes it less stressful when unexpected guests drop by and it makes it nice to walk in to a tidy place at the end of the day.

Having said that, when I was renovating my kitchen, I apologized up and down for the mess!

If my place is messy, it is usually my bedroom. I give a guest a drink and my photo album, while I excuse myself 'looking like i am going to my bedroom to change into more comfortable clothes', and quickly clean up the mess....

By the time I am done, my bedroom is clean and my guest is ready to ask me about my art.

I used to apologize and felt the need to explain that things were "in progress" (especially during times of renovation). Now I don't really care if there's a mess or what people think so much because life it too short. I'm messy sometimes and that's just who I am. Celebrate the mess!

Out of common courtesy I tend to apologize for the mess anyway. My intentions were good to make an attempt to throw the junk in the closet or underneath the bed before the guest(s) arrive :)

One of the many reasons why I don't like pop up visits.

I have a big golden retriever and even though I vacuum and sweep (or at least try to) every other day, if you stop by on the off day, I immediately apologize for the rogue fur balls blowing across the hardwood floor. On the whole, I keep things tidy. I'm busy and sometimes life is more important than hiding the mail and putting away the dishes in the dish rack. If you're my friend, you deal with it and just accept my apologies at face value and we move on!

if my place is too *dirty* to have guests, i'll either clean or not have guests that day. if it's a bit *messy* with a few stacks of books, mail, etc.- i just straighten up a bit and say nothing. i like having guests over frequently. they are a great reason to keep your place clean!

I see "Excuse the mess" as a passive aggressive finger-wagging at unexpected guests. It's a bit more covert than saying, "Sorry for the mess; we weren't expecting company," but the implications are the same. It's pointed in a way to make pop-ins realize their hosts would have cleaned, had they expected company.

Of course, if you're in the habit of constantly dropping by friends' homes without a courtesy call, you deserve all the chiding homeowners can muster.

I usually say, "You can see we cleaned up special for you."

apologizing for a messy place doesn't bother me NEARLY as much as someone who apologizes for a meal they prepare me. (sorry the gravy isn't thicker, i meant to have blah blah, but couldn't manage in time).

i'm not on "top chef", so what i don't know about a meal doesn't hurt me.

to the actual post: i don't invite people over if the place is a mess unless i can quickly cram everything into a closet.

Has anyone suggested just being one's self and doing what feels natural?

Something welcoming that makes any mess endearing, like "We're really casual as you can see, so make yourself at home.")

i think a short, sweet apology if the place is truly noticeably messy will suffice. preferably only when the mess is actually witnessed. for instance i tend to cluck a bit when a dinner guest arrives early and helps in the kitchen, only to see a three foot tower of pots and vegetable peels. if i know its a part of the house guests won't see, i just pretend it doesn't exist.

it always bugs me when friends who're neat as a pin faux-complain thusly, though. "ooooh, sorry it's such a mess..." when there's, like, an unmade bed or a sweater tossed over the back of a chair.

My friend used to welcome people in by saying,

"This place isn't usually this messy. Sometimes it's worse."

I have a friend who always apologizes for the mess. I've never been to her place when it wasn't a mess: I'm sure that's how she lives (her office is also a mess). It makes her feel better to apologize: we both pretend that I've caught her on an off day. But in general, I don't think one should apologize for the state of one's dwelling unless it's a healthy or safety hazard.

"Welcome! Come on in! We're glad to see you!"

or, if you are compelled to make a comment,

"Welcome to our messy home, sweet home. Come on in! We're glad to see you."

I like debi's comment.

If your apartment is truly dirty, apologize (not just to your guest, but neighbors who might have roaches b/c of yoU!), but a little clutter is natural and human.

i have a firm rule that i never draw attention to something I don't like about myself-- why accentuate it? I think the same applies for one's home.

I'm from the south - I was raised to believe when people arrive, your home MUST be clean and food and drink MUST be offered. Any less is uncivilized. If you can't manage to be a good host, then an apology is certainly in order.

I would never even invite over non-close friends when I know my place is beyond quick repair. For those who are close, I usually do the preemptive apology when the invite is discussed - for example, when vacillating over where to meet, I might say, "We can go to my place but I've been so busy it's a bit of a mess,' or "but you'll have to wait in the lobby for 20 minutes while I tidy up." Once inside, no apology necessary!

One thing I'll never do again - throw all the mess in the bedroom and tell people it's off limits. My friends immediately viewed this as too tantalizing to resist and took an extended tour. The conclusion was that it wasn't as bad as they were hopping for ;-).

Agree with Ralph.

I too am from the South born and raised and that's what I was taught to have a clean home (not always the case for me), and always offer your guests something to drink and offer food as soon as they settle in your home.

My aunt always told me when I cook to always make enough just in case I have an uninvited visitor.

I guess I don't see why a friend's apology would make you feel "awkward", that is strange. Why can't you just accept that that who they are?

Also, the fact that you (Maxwell et al) run a website based on orderly homes and in fact are a professional organizer by trade might put anyone you visit on the defensive.

Perhaps a little more grace in accepting your friends' insecurities is more in order than a post exposing them.

Living in a co-op building, as I am sure many do, the only people who stop by unexpectedly are co-op board members or politicians (how do they get in?), usually early Saturday or Sunday morning.
I feel no compunction to excuse my apartment's appearence.

If someone is invited, then by all means, my apartment would be in tip-top shape and no apologies would be necessary.

my partner is a neat freak and i'm a clutter bug. but we have reach an accord and now have a routine of cleaning. but sometimes projects of one kind or another need to be out for a brief period. "as you can see we're in the middle of a project.... would you like a drink?" usually works just fine.

The rule for cooks presenting dinner is the same for apartment dwellers opening the front door: "Never apologize, never explain."
For confirmation, refer to the recent Julia Child's "My Life In France". Friends who regularly apologize for their apartment's state of disarray invariably fail to do the slightest bit of organizing before another visit. It's very much like the utterly unfelt and meaningless, "I'm sorry."

On the other hand, if there really were, say, an elephant in the room... What am I thinking? No one would say a thing.

apologize if there's a mess. don't if there's not.

i tend to make a joke about being a minimalist & not having my couch or dining chairs yet. *haven't found the right chairs & couch has not been delivered

i just keep my place clean.

i offer people a drink. sometimes i talk about my art.

i also suggest getting OUT OF MY HOUSE. i live near lots of cool places. lol

My apartment isn't usually in too much disarray, but my workspace is usually filled with whatever I'm working on, my bed is rarely made, and the floors are usually housing beach sand and cat hair. For these things, I never apologize, because it's the way it is here.

The only times it really gets messy beyond that is when I have a project on the go, or when I arrive home from shopping, work, travel, or something similar. In which case, I'll usually say, "Oh, this is the project I'm working on," or, "Oh, I just got home." (Truth in advertising!)

I also have gone to great lengths to discourage drop-ins! I'm a very private person - I need time to acclimate to people in my personal space, and time to reclaim it after they've gone. I trained everyone by refusing to answer the buzzer unless they've called first. Nowadays, the only people who drop in without calling first are the building managers/repair people, and a small handful of people I'm very, very close to (who have already seen the worst!).

I don't apologize for my home any more than I'll apologize for my clothing or my hair or my food or my mate.

Just clean your home if you are expecting a visitor. Or if in the other hand the visitor shows off unannounced, then apologize if your home is a mess.

invited guests shouldn't see a mess you should be clean and put your best foot foward for them, don't think " oh it's a good friend i don't have to clean up" if someone shows up unexpected, the house is what it is no apologies.

If I'm planning on company, I would think it rude of me not to have it clean and inviting. If people arrive unexpectedly then, I feel, they get what they get because they should have called. My good friends know there will be a mess in my work area if they just show up. There is no reason to apologize, it would be like apologizing for who I am and I like who I am.

I've been to a bunch of people's houses where the place was a genuine disaster, and they DIDNT apologize! There was cat hair. The food wasnt even ready when the party was supposed to start. Trash piled up, sink filled with dirty dishes. I didnt even want to venture to the bathroom to see what was doing there. And this was a party that was planned for weeks in advance!
All in all, I'd rather an apology for no mess, than no apology for a pig sty.

I keep the place neat for my own sake, so it's always presentable. I don't consider the newspaper, a displaced throw pillow or some mail "a mess".

I do apologize for looking like hell when someone unexpected comes over, though.